I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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