Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
