I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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