i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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