I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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