I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
