how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
