Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
