you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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