Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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