Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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