i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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