i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
