I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize