What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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