i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
