i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
