i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
