He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
