I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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