I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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