Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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