fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
