he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
