I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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