I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
