day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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