you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
