she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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