there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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