When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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