Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
