So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
