I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
