I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.