i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.