i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
should my penis look like a turkey
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.