If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.