apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.