the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked