At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.