Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
