Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
