We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
