somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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