I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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