If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
