It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
