she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck appropriateness.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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