hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
