I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
