Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
