Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
