Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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