Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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