i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Naked. naked and bneed help.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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