Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
