He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
