i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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