found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
