Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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