oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
