why didn't you poke me back
I faked an abortion last night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
