My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
