Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
