I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
