whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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